Sam Altman raises more capital for OpenAI
AIOpenAI Raises More Cash: Altman’s New BFF Is a $10B Crypto Wallet
Sam Altman claims the wallet will ‘democratize AI access’ while secretly hoarding tokens for his private AI-themed NFT collection.
Why a Crypto Wallet?
Altman insists the $10B crypto wallet is ‘essential for scaling AI innovation,’ but industry insiders suspect it’s just a tax loophole disguised as a philanthropic gesture. After all, why fund AI research when you can fund a blockchain-based AI art gallery?
Investors Include…
The fundraised capital comes from a ‘global consortium of bored billionaires’ who’ve traded their private jets for blockchain-based ASAs (Alternate Sentience Tokens). One investor, allegedly Elon Musk’s AI-aligned cousin, reportedly said, ‘This is how we bury the altcoin apocalypse.’
New Feature: ‘Cash-Burning’ AI Model
OpenAI’s latest model, ‘GPT-CashDrain 3.0,’ is designed to optimize for maximum computational waste. Early tests show it spends 70% of its energy solving quadratic equations… that no one asked for.
Public Reaction
Tech critics are baffled. ‘Is this a startup or a pyramid scheme with a better marketing team?’ asked one Twitter user. Altman responded via a TikTok video showing him sipping a latte while staring at a blockchain ledger. The video has 3 million views and 12,000 shares of the crypto wallet’s NFT.