UFO is found
Big TechUFO and Alien Found, Immediately Announce Seed Round
Visiting extraterrestrials land in Silicon Valley and pivot to B2B SaaS within 24 hours.
Touchdown, Term Sheet, and Series A
A metallic disc-shaped craft reportedly hovered above a WeWork parking lot in San Jose before gently landing on a scooter and three Bird scooters. Witnesses say two tall, silver-skinned beings emerged, asked for the nearest espresso bar, and began pitching a verticalized AI observability platform for intergalactic logistics.
Within hours, the duo had incorporated as Zorblaxian Labs, closed a $12 million seed round led by a16z, and posted on X that they were building in stealth while literally glowing in the dark. Their deck slide simply read: 'We have been doing this for 6,000 of your years. TAM: all galaxies.'
Tech Press Falls In Love With Founding Team
TechCrunch ran a breathless piece titled 'Are These the Hottest Founders Since Jobs and Wozniak?', while a16z published a 14,000-word blog on 'Why First Contact Is the Next Frontier for Developer Tools.' One VC called them 'pre-product, pre-revenue, pre-carbon-based, and still a better bet than most solo founders I saw last week.'
The aliens reportedly impressed investors by demoing a working prototype that bends spacetime and also integrates with Slack. When asked about go-to-market strategy, one replied, 'We will start with early adopters on Earth, then expand to Mars once your regulatory situation stabilizes.'
Earthbound Founders Demand a Fair Fight
Local startup founders complained that the aliens had an unfair advantage: infinite compute, no sleep requirements, and a home planet with no privacy regulators. One founder grumbled, 'They literally have quantum infra and still call it AI-native.'
In response, the Zorblaxian team offered to host a 'Cosmic Office Hours' on Zoom, promising to help Earth founders 'optimize their primitive standups.' Attendance slots sold out in 13 seconds, mostly with engineers hoping to ask how to fix their Kubernetes clusters.